Slaughtered by ṣalawāt | Sukina Pilgrim, Poetic Pilgrimage.
Some would say I’ve lost my mind.
As I sit here contemplating suicide.
My soul is singing because love is brimming inside
But my nafs is clinging to its identity
In my mind.
This world of ‘me’ is annoying me.
In fact I’m annoying me.
So I’m in talks with my soul and my body
To call a truce
And make a noose out of my ḏikr beads.
Hang me from the nearest tree
So that the Ḥamd that lives in me for He is free
Being with bodies makes me feel lonely
So I’ve come to the conclusion
That the only solution
Is no me –
Just flesh blood veins and meat
Hanging from a tree
My suicide note will read:
Allâhumma salli ‘alâ sayyidinâ Muhammadini-l
fâtihi limâ ughliq, wa-l khâtimi
limâ sabaq, nâsiri-l haqqi bi-l haqq, wa-l hâdi
ilâ sirâtika-l mustaqîm,
wa ‘alâ âlihi haqqa qadrihi wa miqdârihi-l azîm.
Death by Muḥammad’s Dīn
Allāh make me Muḥammadi
And the only reason why Allāh created me
Is to sing His praise like a canary
Every other utterance
I want to jump into the deepest sea
Be left for dead on the oceans bed
But please don’t look for me
Look for He who will roll
The heavens up like a scroll
When He’s ready.
And give me eternal life
When He’s ready.
By way of Aḥmad ﷺ
I push ṣalawāt between my tongue and teeth
Until the ṣalawāt becomes me
And I join the unseen
And all you see
Is a reflection of the Muḥammadan reality.
Where I used to be.
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